When it comes to naming game characters, developers sometimes get bored and think ‘screw it, who wants to save the world with Link when they can do it with Poo’. As such, we decided to delve deep into titles of the past and present to bring you the five most ludicrous and creative names in the history of gaming.
5The Evil Queen Pulsating, Bloated, Festering, Sweaty, Stinky, Pus-filled, Malformed, Slug-for-a-Butt (Earthworm Jim, Earthworm Jim: Menace to the Galaxy)
Shortened to Queen Slug-for-a-Butt, this epically named termite was the boss the player encountered in Earthworm Jim in the game’s final level, Buttville. Slug Butt intended to use the ‘Ultra-high-tech-indestructible-super-space-cyber-suit’ to take over the universe.
Luckily Jim was never forced to grind the queen on the dance floor because it would have meant the end of him and most certainly his worm penis. With probably the biggest booty in gaming (hence the name) this stunning insectoid also had a twin sister, Princess What’s-Her-Name. Other beauties from the Earthworm Jim series include Major Mucus and Professor-Monkey-For-A-Head.
While its name implies a genre not yet explored in gaming (interactive sex, if you’re a bit slow) it was actually a virtual pet simulation released for the ill-fated Sega Dreamcast. The aim was to raise and care for a little Jizzboy so he could grow up and evolve into a Cummaster (note: not the game’s actual aim). It was required that Seaman be checked on every day otherwise he might die.
As Seaman became domesticated, he would insult the player, though unfortunately never asked for a blowjob. With such a ridiculous name, it’s no surprise the Dreamcast failed so spectacularly, but alas, there are plans for a re-release. Seaman will be cumming into gamers hands on the Nintendo 3DS. Makes us a bit wet just thinking about it!
3Error (Zelda II: The Adventure of Link)
This charming fellow lived in the Town of Ruto and guided Link to a secret passage to access the Island Palace. The man hilariously greets Link with the phrase ‘I am Error’. The most popular theory for Error’s inclusion claims it was a typo in translating Errol into English. However it is more likely the name was intentionally picked by developers to coincide with Bagu, another peculiarly named Zelda character.
Bagu (a Japanese Romanization of the word bug) was introduced to Link later in the game as a close friend of Error. Somewhat a leader of the Water town of Saria, Bagu’s role in the Nintendo classic is to give Link a note for the River Man, allowing him access to Death Mountain. Fortunately for us the only errors or bugs with this Zelda title were the characters, the game itself is an absolute gem.
2Hard Man (Mega Man 3)
A robot master who debuted in Mega Man 3 and was constantly hard, this foe didn’t need blood or pills to maintain his infinite rigidity! Hard Man could fire his hands and had a cannon built inside of his body, allowing him to ejaculate himself into the air…and by that we mean jump.
Hard Man also appeared in the Mega Man spinoff Super Adventure Rockman, during which he attempts to ambush Mega Man by dropping from the roof of a temple. Unfortunately he gets his head stuck in the ground and is forced into battle with the robot hero. After being defeated, Hard Man’s pants are melted by acid, revealing his nonexistent *ahem* hard-man. It’s curious he never combined forces with Seaman considering the possibilities for supers – most notably the ‘Hard Seaman Attack’. We’d also love to see Hard Man’s notorious yet unconfirmed sidekick, Softcock, appear in further sequels of the game.
1Ceaseless Discharge (Dark Souls)
One of the more difficult bosses in the series (not that any of its bosses were easy), this towering tenticled demon is also the little brother of the Daughters of Chaos. Although the creature’s image is enough to inspire nightmares, his name is where he truly strikes fear. Stimulating images of some type of explosively horrific vaginal disorder pertaining to the menstrual cycle, you can bet he built quite a reputation with the ladies for the uniquely destructive STI/D’s he passed on.
Ceaseless Discharge attacked by lifting one of its tentacles into the air before slamming it down with incredible force. Another attack saw a heavy wall of fire hurtle towards the player causing immense damage, bringing new meaning to that burning sensation we sometimes get in our underpants. Yeah, we should probably get that checked out.
That’s our list, but we want to know what YOU think are some of the most ridiculous names in games. Be sure to let us know in the comments below!